


a song for johann

by tuzanor (lebelinconnu)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, i reworked this and it is both better and much sadder now, why do i do this to myself and everyone else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 23:39:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14200140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lebelinconnu/pseuds/tuzanor
Summary: there is more to a bond than words, and more to a bard than song. for this bard, there is a memory that will never fade, and a love beyond language.





	a song for johann

1\. for a creature made of stars, and loss, and sorrow, time is meaningless. you have been fed memories, and melodies for somewhere between a moment and a millennia. you do not know how your fondness began, only that it eases, somewhat, the grief that sits inside you. you do not know his face; you hear his voice, soft & somber, and his songs, subtle & surreal. you hear his heartbeat moving around you. the staccato beat of his footfalls hems in your life. he calls you a sound that has no meaning, but which becomes a name. the soft hum and wordless song he makes while he dreams up new arias lulls you in and out of consciousness. you wonder, occasionally, what he would think if you sang back; but something holds you back, and so you remain silent. people move in and out of your hearing, but they do not hold your attention. for many of them, they soon do not hold anyone's. 

2\. you hear his sorrow grow slowly, listen to him turn a fact he cannot escape over and over in his mind. you begin to understand the horrible depth of meaning you hold for these people. you are the midwife to their awakening, and you are the method by which their life is forever extinguished. his terror of being forgotten hangs like a choking cloud around the both of you, strangling him with its inevitability. you are the silent, unwilling arbiter of the Bureau's greatest sacrifice, the thief of their memories and he is your keeper. every name that passes into your tank drives him further into despair, and you do not know how to help him; an impassable void lays between you. this fear, cemented within him, sings a song only you can hear of how far the director has fallen, and of the singular and terrible void that lays within her. 

3\. and then, suddenly, a voice you recognize is there. he is not like your bard, your keeper; his voice brings to light the unquenchable grief that has lain within you. it takes you uncountable moment-months to call out to your former friend, a fractured refrain of pleading sorrow that your bard echoes perfectly. you think, perhaps, he understands better than anyone else what you are feeling. you wonder if he knows you feel at all. the moment passes, and in despair, you blare out one final note. it seems, afterward, that they do not recognize the longing within you, that they do not know what has been taken. it seems that your bard believes you have rebuked him, given him one more push into the brink of unfathomable despair. you do not know how to reassure him, and grow silent once more. 

4.magnus tries to understand, and you try to explain, but there is not time enough to sing of all you've both lost. he rushes towards knowledge with the hunger he always has, and you remain behind. your bard renews, and rewrites your sorrow-song, changing it into something new, and beautiful, and brimming with hope. and, all too soon, time runs out. your greatest sorrow is healed, and unspeakable pain replaces it. the monster that creeps ever towards all of you arrives, glorious in its horror. even as your child is returning to you, the hunger strikes down your bard. the unbearable sorrow that dwells within you swells, a tidal wave of indescribable pain. but his songs live inside you, every line, every note, every pitch, and you and your child sing your hearts out for him. music that has no equal in all of history tumbles out of you, searing and uplifting the hearts of any who can hear. he cared for you, cared about you, and now he is gone. and so you repay his kindness and dedication at long last; this is your gift. he will never be forgotten. his voice will lay among the stars.


End file.
